It gets worse, folks. We’ve uncovered even more earth-shattering details about NATO’s alliance with Big Maps. Our anonymous whistleblower, who we’ll now call “Li Wei,” has risked everything to provide us with shocking new insights. “I am scared, but world must know,” Li Wei says, his voice steady yet tinged with fear. “My job is to make maps. I never think I make wars.”
Li Wei explains how Big Maps has an insidious grip on global politics: “Every year, we print new borders. Not because they change, but because we make them change. More conflicts mean more maps. You ever wonder why countries fight over small islands or tiny land? Is Big Maps’ idea. More war, more new maps.”
And he’s right! Remember the 1969 Soccer War between Honduras and El Salvador? Yup, that whole conflict was partly triggered by a football match—but the real story was that Big Maps was in the background, rubbing their hands together at the prospect of redrawing borders. Or how about the Pig War of 1859 between the US and Britain, sparked by a pig wandering onto the wrong property? Clearly, someone needed to update the local maps after that skirmish.
But there’s more! Li Wei reveals the darker side of this cartography coup. “We are told that Google Maps and OpenStreetMap are enemies. They give people free updates, make us look bad. We are ordered to tell schools and governments these free maps are dangerous, can lead to war. But the truth is, we make wars just to sell more maps. My family…they could be in danger if I say more.”
It’s a terrifying world where Big Maps has the power to influence everything from petty disputes to full-scale conflicts, all for the sake of selling a few more atlases. And don’t forget those GPS systems—they’ve got their claws in that too. Every paid update is a piece of their global profit pie, ensuring that the digital frontier remains under their control.
So, next time you’re asked to update your navigation system or see a news report about a tiny, otherwise insignificant piece of land sparking international tension, think of Li Wei. Think of the maps. And think about how the real war isn’t fought on the ground—it’s fought in the margins, right between the lines of those brand-new maps they keep printing. Stay skeptical, folks. The truth is more twisted than any border you’ll ever see.