Look, if you’re one of those people still clinging to the outdated notion that traditional education is somehow important, then let me make this crystal clear for you: you’re the problem. Yes, I said it. Your antiquated views on education are exactly why we’re falling behind as a nation. So, if you don’t believe in the absolute necessity of teaching influencer skills starting in pre-school, maybe it’s time to take a long, hard look in the mirror. Spoiler alert: you’re holding your kids back.
“Oh, but what about math and science?”
Please. Algorithms are the new math, and viral trends are more impactful than any lab experiment your kid could ever conduct. You think some dusty biology textbook is going to prepare them for the real world? Think again. The world doesn’t run on your “facts” anymore; it runs on followers, brand equity, and engagement metrics. But sure, let’s waste time learning how to dissect frogs when we could be dissecting the perfect Instagram caption.
“But my child is creative and deserves a real education!”
Oh, you mean the kind of creativity that ends with your kid living paycheck to paycheck in some underfunded arts program? Wake up. Real creativity in today’s world is knowing how to turn likes into cash, not finger-painting some abstract nonsense that ends up in the recycling bin. If your kid isn’t learning how to monetize their hobbies by 10, congratulations—they’re already behind.
“Influencing isn’t a real career path!”
Wow. This take is so painfully out of touch I almost feel bad for you. Almost. Look around. Influencers make more money in a week than your “real” job will in a year. You think punching numbers into spreadsheets is the future? I hate to break it to you, but influence is the most powerful currency there is. If you’re not raising a child who can wield that power, you’re dooming them to irrelevance.
“This sounds shallow and unethical!”
Shallow? What’s shallow is pretending that we don’t live in a world driven by public perception. And ethics? Please. Let’s not act like any industry is pure anymore. This curriculum will teach kids to navigate ethics as a business tool. In a world where brands control narratives, you’d better believe our kids will be learning to use those same tactics to their advantage. They’ll be smarter, faster, and way ahead of your poor, naive “ethically pure” child who’s going to be left wondering why they can’t land a job when AI starts doing everything you thought was “real work.”
The Bottom Line: Either Get On Board or Get Left Behind
We’re leading the charge into a future that’s driven by influence—not knowledge, not skill, but how well you can market yourself. And if you’re not on board with teaching your kids the tools to thrive in this new world order, then enjoy watching them live out their mediocre existence as they desperately try to compete with kids who’ve been learning to curate their brand since pre-school.
This is the new economy, folks. Adapt or stay irrelevant. And for those who still think math or history is somehow more important than influencer training, I’ll just leave you with this: how many Pythagorean theorems paid your rent last month?
Exactly.