BREAKING: Trump’s Marker Was Custom-Made to Be ‘Bigger Than Obama’s’

Let’s cut through the noise here. This isn’t just a black marker. Oh no—this is THE black marker, a custom-engineered, MAGA-approved writing instrument designed exclusively to remind everyone that Donald J. Trump’s signature isn’t just a name—it’s a brand. Because when it comes to presidential symbolism, why settle for “dignity” when you can scream “LOOK AT ME” in fat, smudgy ink?

A Monument to Ego

Do you really think Trump picked that marker by accident? This wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment Office Depot run. That marker was designed—probably by a MAGA think tank working round-the-clock to ensure it met his exact specifications:

  1. Width: “Make it three times thicker than whatever Obama used.”
  2. Ink Intensity: “Jet black. Darker than my soul and my tax returns.”
  3. Grip: “Ergonomic enough for my tiny… I mean, very large, powerful hands.”

The marker isn’t just a tool—it’s a weapon in Trump’s ongoing one-sided pissing contest with Obama. “Oh, Obama signed the Affordable Care Act with a slim Montblanc fountain pen? ADORABLE. I’m signing my executive orders with the legal equivalent of a baseball bat.”


What Did He Even Sign?

Now let’s talk content, because these weren’t your run-of-the-mill executive orders. No, these were Trump’s handpicked, pettiest priorities. It’s like he sat down and thought, “How can I make day one of my second act the political equivalent of lighting Twitter on fire?” Some highlights:

  • Canceling Reusable Energy Subsidies – Because the only green Trump cares about is on his golf course.
  • Reinstating Offshore Drilling – As if America’s oceans weren’t already sweating enough.
  • Declaring January ‘National Trump Appreciation Month’ – Subtle as ever.
  • Rescinding School Lunch Nutritional Guidelines – Nothing says “freedom” like trading broccoli for Big Macs.

And don’t forget the showmanship. Each time he signed an order, he lifted it for the cameras like Simba on Pride Rock, flaunting his oversized marker strokes. “See that THICK line? That’s democracy in action, folks. BIGGER THAN OBAMA’S!”


A Freudian Signature

And let’s not ignore the elephant in the room: the Freudian implications of using the largest writing instrument humanly possible. Trump’s marker wasn’t just big—it was borderline cartoonish, like something you’d give a 3-year-old to color outside the lines (a fitting metaphor for his presidency, no?). This wasn’t just about signing laws—it was about making sure his signature could be seen from space.

And don’t think he’s stopping there. By 2026, he’ll probably be using a paint roller to stamp his name on walls, executive orders, and maybe even the moon. Because if history books don’t feel his presidency, what’s the point?


“History Books Will FEEL My Signature”

Let’s face it: this is Trump’s master plan. He doesn’t want future historians to read about him—he wants them to stumble over his ego. Each executive order will be archived with an inch-thick marker stroke, so that a thousand years from now, archaeologists will look at the smudged ink and say, “What was this guy compensating for?”

Honestly, the only thing missing from this marker spectacle was a golden carrying case with an inscription reading: “In Case of Legacy Crisis, Break Glass.” Because that’s what this is—a desperate, oversized attempt to stamp his name on history, one absurdly thick line at a time.

So, to sum it up: yes, Trump’s marker is bigger than Obama’s. It’s also louder, messier, and entirely too full of itself. But hey, isn’t that the perfect metaphor for his entire political career?